I reread my blog from last night, and while it is an honest portrayal of how I’m currently feeling, I realized that it communicated someone void of hope. I, on the waaaay other hand, am NOT void of hope. This is where things take a dramatic turn with regards to how I choose to respond and handle the difficulties of life. For I may wallow for a moment, but then due to my faith, I get up. Time and time again. I just get up. Sometimes that’s all you can do. Stand up. At least I can do that. God can then move me forward. He did that today.
As a believer in God, I do NOT for a moment believe that He has abandoned walking with us through this season. I haven’t once questioned Him about why Harper is the way she is. (I’m not saying it isn’t ok to question, I’m just saying that I haven’t.) While my writings may sound as if I am depleted all all the hope within me, the truth is, I am not. The feelings of fatigue and frustration are most definitely present, but the TRUTH of God’s presence is the anchor onto which I cling.
Today, I got a swift butt-kickin’.
She doesn’t realized that she gave me a swift butt-kickin’, but indeed, Kim Klamm
did indeed do just that.
The foot she used was the Word of God. I can’t say it hurt. But it did sting a bit and managed to propel me forward and knock a bit more sense into me.
Her text today: Psalm 139. I have to admit, there are certain scriptures that I tend to ignore because they seem so overused, over taught, and over dramatized. This is one of them. “Oh, I am so fearfully and wonderfully made!”
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all about a zillion times.However, today, I realized that I am not treating Harper or speaking about her as if I believe she is a unique design crafted by God – she is the work of His hands. God sees all of us as unique designs in which there are no mistakes. And while I do feel a great pride in both of my children, I don’t think I’ve been communicating how beautiful I see Harper to be. Her Artist crafted such a brilliant, creative, enthusiastic, engaging, curious, thoughtful, empathetic, person when He formed her, and I would be well to share that with her. She is not a work of art for which I can take credit. God knit both of my treasures and has entrusted me to love and nuture and protect these precious pieces with His leading and His guiding and His strength.
I marvel when I look at her.I want her to marvel in who God has made her to be. What is Harper’s perspective of herself?
I wonder if I’ve been secretly hoping that Harper’s design would change. And it is this thought that triggers the question: Whose design for Harper am I desiring?
Mine. The facade of a socially well adjusted child who is competely adaptable in all situations and enjoys and excells in academic, physical, and creative extra-curricular activities. I could go on an on, but quite frankly (butt kick), I’m describing (butt kick) a robot (butt kick).
I do love her the way she is. Forgive me for being “that” Mom, but I have a really cool kid. My inner drive is based on a desire that she will learn to love herself and build confidence (not vanity) about who she is, and who she will become. It is the outer drive, the application of this inner drive, that I need to flesh out.
So, know that while I struggle, my deepest desire is that she would truly know her Artist and that she is, indeed, a work of art. And while God may be needing to do some restorations right now, she is still a rare, unique, one of a kind design.