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Needing An Emotional Thaw

Okay, so if you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you already know that we’re struggling to find a diagnosis and treatment for Harper. And while we are very assured that there is something going on in that head of hers for which she needs help, today, I tested her a bit. I wanted to experiment with pushing her buttons.
I know, I know, this sounds so mean. Just wait.
Feeling compelled to find out whether some of her behaviors at home are due to, as we so eloquently put it, “that tricky brain” or whether she’s just being a cleverly disobedient 7 year old, I decided to challenged her every time she whined, told me no, refused to comply, or said she was tired.
I didn’t yell. I didn’t shout. I did speak firmly and held my ground.
I sent her to her room to calm down every time she countered me. And it’s not like I was asking her to do anything out of the ordinary.
What I found is that she just didn’t want to do what I asked and actually used the line, “Mom! Why won’t you support me in this!” (a reference to “tricky brain”) out of frustration when I wouldn’t cave.
I told her that I was very supportive of helping her. Please! Of ALL people, God knows I’m all about helping her. I also told her that her ability to obey the rules of our home (i.e. homework before electronics, dirty clothes to the hamper, pajamas before TV time, bedtime after books) has NOTHING to do with “tricky brain”.
Chicago winters are long.
I feel like our home has been stuck in “winter” for awhile now. We are in a blizzard of emotion and activity. Even wonderful fellowship events like dinner with the Klamm’s are windy and cold and icy and unpredictable for me as I never know how Harper will interact with other kids (they have 8. 7 of which were home that night), when I will have to step in, if I should even step in, how to explain her stomping around saying she wants to leave and never come back, or the frequent “I’m bored” comments. I’m constantly on guard that a snowball or avalanche is headed my way. I actually admitted to George that as amazing as I really think Harper is, I just want her to get along with people and play normally with other kids. It always seems like such a chore.
Like shoveling snow.
You get it done, and then, turn around to get hit by another storm.
My head is a constant blizzard. I can’t shovel fast enough. The sting of the cold is leaving me numb.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” Colossians 4:6 (New International Version)
What do you do in the winter when you find you are running out of salt?
We’re expecting another 6-9 inches tomorrow night.

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