I’m wiped out.
It was a very late night, or rather, early morning.
A restless 9 year old battled bouts of anxiety and excitement until at least 2 AM as her mind raced about the upcoming trip to Grandma’s house.
While she finally slept. I didn’t.
It wasn’t that I was particularly nervous for Harper’s week-long adventure in Ocean City with my parents, but rather, my own mind battled missing her.
Yes, the week away is giving me some more one on one time with Zane: an uninterrupted play-date with his best Beaver pal, art class, plus a few other tricks I have up my sleeve, but having Harper take off alone is the first step in her developing an independence – that I want her to have – and yet, don’t.
She was so ecstatic as she met me bedside this morning to hug and kiss me goodbye, “Mommy, we’re leaving for the airport now.”
And then there was the email I got later in day describing how her first plane “took forever” to leave the runway.
But an email just wasn’t going to cut it for me.
By 8 PM, I had to hear her voice. She sounded amazing.
And then, she showed me just how much her family means to her.
“Mommy, put Zane on. I need to talk to Zane.”
I overheard bits and pieces of their conversation. She asked if he was having fun and what he did today (he was stripping the stairs with George) and then responded by telling him how cool it was that he was helping Daddy with the stairs.
See, he cried in his room this morning when he realized she wasn’t home when he woke. He also had a hard time comprehending how Dad was able to drive my mom and Harper all the way to Ocean City and make the return trip by the time he woke up. The entire morning confused him.
Harper knew Zane would be sad, for they hang out together every morning before I wake up, and thus she made a point of making sure she spoke to him this evening.
I love that they love each other.
This is Harper’s first trip away without us. It is so important for her. It is so important for us. It’s just mind boggling to me that we are at this age. The age at which we’ve begun discussing human development, problems with friends, and the all too familiar “what makes me nervous” discussions. So far, we have managed to create a very open atmosphere of communication, where every question deserves an answer – even if it freaks me out to have to answer.
There’s that tug of wanting to continue holding my baby, and wanting her to branch out.
Today was a pretty long branch for my girl.
And I am very proud of her.