So far, the 40’s have been all about ditching fear.
I set out on an adventure to begin writing, for an actual paycheck, and clinched my first regular gig over at PittsburghMom. I am indeed thankful for them taking a chance on the likes of me.
My once toned body began to slip this year after walking my husband through some tough stuff – no worries about my sharing – all is out in the open. What came from a 90-day journey on a program called ChaLEAN Extreme (on sale right now, by the way), was not only a new-found commitment to health and fitness but also a new business which truly matches one of my priorities in life: to motivate and encourage people that they CAN indeed make positive changes in their lives. When I started, back in April (both ChaLEAN and the business) I didn’t think I would be successful. Joke was on me.
There was one more teensy, weensy, fear dangling over my head. I moved to Beaver knowing there was a local theater group. I moved to Beaver wondering if I could ever recapture the joy I once felt from performing which had fallen by the wayside prior to Zane’s birth. At that point in my life, juggling Harper, auditions, and rehearsals, got to be very overwhelming for me. So, I walked away. Called my agent. Opted out. A week later I learned I was pregnant with Zane. I immediately shifted gears and began pouring my efforts into private coaching, which is where I stayed until we moved to Pittsburgh.
But in the back of my head, I’ve always entertained this nagging thought: will I ever go back? I was nudged by a friend of mine who owns Kolache, an actor himself. I was nudged by George. After punching so much fear straight in the kisser this past year, I was listening to those nudges. Especially because much of the nudging seemed to be coming directly from myself.
Over the past few months I found myself reading/researching a specific play. Following that, I watched (and thoroughly enjoyed) the film version of THAT play. I made an appointment for an audition. I told people of the audition – for if there is one thing I have learned this year is to SHARE GOALS with others – sure fire way to hold yourself to your word. My monologue of choice, hiding in that black binder I’ve ignored for years, was easily located and reviewed this week: in my office, in front of the mirror, laying in bed, in the shower. My family gathered to pray for me this morning.
Proudly, I can now say, regardless of the outcome, that I auditioned for a show this morning. A play that I truly adore, and always have: Lost in Yonkers. Feeling a bit like the Tinman before being oiled, I performed my monologue and then steadied myself for the cold readings. Rusty? A bit. I haven’t stretched these skills in years.
Oh my goodness, YES!
There’s a lot of healthy risk-taking going on in my life right now – behavior which began to wane around age 36, when life began to take on a bit of a hot, grainy, “desert-feel”, and I, in turn, emerged a bit weather-beaten and parched. I placed limitations on myself, approached new opportunities with why I COULDN’T do them, and was content with personal status-quo. A new me, that wasn’t actually me, was calling the shots.
And then, we moved. And yes, I tasted a fresh start.
- Writing has become my main focus, and believe me, I’m applying at least once a month for new opportunities.
- Team Beachbody is all the rage with me now: both for the physical AND financial benefits.
- And, as for Lost in Yonkers, that choice isn’t up to me. I simply showed up.
I showed up.
Where do you need to show up????? Trust me. Showing up isn’t always easy. There was that desert to cross and then, after feeling “watered” again, there were quite a few weeds needing to be whacked. Honestly, I’m still hacking away at a few of them.
But it’s a happy-hacking.
I’d love to see you show up, also. It would be great to see you here.